Carville’s Parents

You know how you’ll see someone and they are a complete cross between other people you know?

Well, while watching election results on Tuesday night, I came to a realization…

If Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd’s character in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)

and a hairless (aka Sphynx) cat

mated and had a baby, they would give birth to….

CNN Reporter, James Carville.

This of course is nothing against his beliefs, intelligence or any personallity trait.

Stay tuned. More XY factors to come…

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road… ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

SARAH PALIN: Because, Praise Jesus, I was gonna shoot his sorry liberal butt off for blocking my view of Russia!

JOE BIDEN: Now I love that Chicken, I mean I’d take a bullet for that chicken. But he is nuts, crazy, stupid in the head to cross that road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Pregnancy Pact

I am confused by teenagers today. I know everyone wants to fit in, but a group of Boston high schoolers have gone too far. June

BOSTON: At least 17 high school students, many aged 16 and under, are pregnant after apparently making a pact.

Officials in the Massachusetts city of Gloucester said nearly half of those who became pregnant appeared to have entered into an agreement to have their babies together over the year.

“Some girls seemed more upset when they weren’t pregnant than when they were,” Joseph Sullivan, the principal of Gloucester High School, told Time magazine.

A school health clinic became suspicious after seeing a surge in girls seeking pregnancy tests.

Authorities may pursue statutory rape charges against some of the men involved. Some are in their mid-20s, including one man who appeared to be homeless. Others were boys in the school.

In Massachusetts it is a crime to have sex with anyone under the age of 16.

“We’re at the very early stages of wrestling with the complexities of this problem,” Carolyn Kirk, the Mayor of the port city about 50 kilometres north-east of Boston, said.

“But we also have to think about the boys. Some … could have their lives changed. They could be in serious, serious trouble even if it was consensual because of their age – not from what the city could do but from what the girls’ families could do.”

The school forbids the distribution of condoms and other contraception without parental consent – a rule that prompted the school’s doctor and nurse to resign in protest in May.

“But even if we had contraceptives, that pact shows that if they want to get pregnant, they will get pregnant.

“Whether we distribute contraceptives is irrelevant,” Greg Verga, chairman of the Gloucester School Committee, said.

He also said the men should at least be held responsible for financial support, “if not put in jail for statutory rape as the mayor has suggested”.

Teenage pregnancies in the US are showing signs of rising after declining from 1991 to 2005.

Birth rates for girls aged 15 to 17 rose by 3 per cent in 2006, the first increase since 1991, preliminary data from the National Centre for Health Statistics said.

While these young girls prepare for motherhood, I can reflect upon my high school days when the most I had to worry about was who to go to the school dance with, how I could sneak alcohol from my parent’s liquor supply, and what to do on the weekend with which group of friends. Sadly, because they wanted to fit in, these girls will be staying home with morning sickness and say goodbye to their childhood and adolescence the moment that tiny child leaves their womb. I don’t envy their position, nor their stupidity.

For more on this story check out the following sites:

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/20/pregnancy.pact.ap/index.html

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25272678/